BOOT TO THE HEAD!
by Ri-kun
Summary: Just a little parody some friends of mine and I made, based closely upon the now-infamous 'Boot to the Head' album by the Frantics. Hope you enjoy!
1. Chapter 1

BOOT TO THE HEAD!

By Ri-kun

and the

Death Eaters

"As the executor of Sirius Black's estate, I shall now begin reading from Mr. Black's last will and testament."

Albus Dumbledore cleared his throat and began peering through several papers in front of him, while Bellatrix Lestrange sobbed insincerely.

"Oh, cousin Sirius!" she wailed. "WHHHHYYYYYYYYYYY???!?!?!"

"There. There." Her husband Rudolphus patted her once lightly. "It's alright, dear."

"Can we hurry this up?" Regulus barked, holding a glass of Firewhiskey. "The Hog's Head will be open soon!"

"'To my twisted and quite psychotic cousin, Bellatrix...'" Dumbledore began reading.

"WWWHHHHAAAA!"

"Ah, Bellatrix. He's talking about us."

"Oh, right."

"'Who, with her creepy husband, Rudolphus,'" Dumbledore went on. "'Grubbed, grubbed for all they were worth and cried great big Hippogriff tears after I went sailing helplessly through that mysterious Veil...'"

"What?"

"'To my cousin I leave... a Boot to the Head!'"

_**WHAM!**_

"Bellatrix, are you alright?"

"This is an outrage!" she snapped, as a large welt appeared on her forehead.

"'And a Boot to the Head for her creepy husband, Roddy!'" Albus added, as another magical boot went flying through the air towards him.

_**WHAM!**_

"'Ah, but still, you are my cousin'" Dumbledore continued reading. "'You've both secretly admired my flying motorcycle despite numerous claims otherwise, and since I nor my beloved godson will be needing it anytime soon...'"

"Oh, cousin Sirius, you're too kind." Bellatrix cooed.

"'I hereby leave... another Boot to the Head!"

_**WHAM!**_

"And one more for the creep!"

_**WHAM!**_

__""Next, to my alcoholic brother, Regulus,'" Dumbledore went on.

"Hey, I don't want no boot to the head!" he cried out, ducking down as the magically empowered boots continued to attack and kick Bellatrix and Rudolphus.

"'To Regulus, who wasted his life serving the Dark Lord Voldemort before falling head-first into the bottle...'"

"I'm covering up my head!"

"'Regulus, to you I leave my entire collection of PlayWarlock magazines, plus three enchanted crates of Madame Rosmerta's finest aged ale.'"

Regulus looked up. "That ain't so bad," he mused.

"'And a Boot to the Head!'"

_**WHAM!**_

"'And another Boot for Bella and the Creep!'"

_**WHAM! WHAM!**_

"'Next, to my know-it-all former Divination professor, Sybill Trelawney...'"

"This is so predictable," she muttered, laying a set of tarot cards out in front of her.

"'I leave a... Boot to the Head!'"

_**WHAM!**_

"'And one more for Bella and the Creep!'"

_**WHAM! WHAM!**_

"'This takes care of family obligations,'" Dumbledore finished, riffling through the papers in his hands. "Next, to my devoted house-elf, Kreacher..."

_"Kreacher won't! Kreacher won't! Kreacher won't! Won't! WON'T!"_

"'Who practically held me prisoner in my own home for years, reminded me daily of how much my mother despised the soil I walked on, and was involved in numerous attempts to poison me...'"

_"Kreacher wants to go to the Lestranges, yes! Kreacher will seek his new mistress!"_

"Pssst!" Hermione whispered. "Kreacher, she's standing right over there."

"'I leave,'" Dumbledore paused. "'A BOOT TO THE HEAD!'"

_**WHAM!**_

"'And one more for Bella and the Creep!'"

_**WHAM! WHAM!**_

"'And finally, to my former headmaster and instructor, Professor Albus Dumbledore,'" he read slowly. "Who aided in saving my godson from disaster, yet manipulated his entire existence and left him to suffer at the hands of demented, abusive Muggles for ten long, agonizing years, I leave not a boot to the head...'"

Dumbledore stared at the page. "'But rather, a rabid Blast-Ended Skrewt, which is to be Apparated into his trousers?!?"

_**BOOM! RIP! TEAR! SNAP!**_

"OW! YIKES! PAIN!" Dumbledore gasped as he stared hard at the page. "'And... OW! and I leave my entire estate of ten million SHIT! ...galleons to the students of Hogwarts, so they can afford to attend school someplace decent!' HEY, I'VE ....ONLY..... GOT.... ONE.... OF.... THOSE!"

"That's it?!" Trelawney gasped.

"That's it?" Regulus added. "That's disgraceful!"

"There's.... one final.... thing," Dumbledore gasped, after he'd Vanished the Skrewt away and poured water down the front of his robes.

"Cover your heads, everybody!" Regulus shouted, ducking down.

"'A lifetime supply of Honeydukes ice cream.'"

"Ice cream?"

"Ice cream?"

"Ice cream?"

Hermione raised her hand. "What flavor is it?"

"BOOT TO THE HEAD!"

_**WHAM!**_

WHAM!

_**WHAM!**_

_**WHAM!**_

_**WHAM!**_

_**WHAM!**_


	2. Chapter 2

BOOT TO THE HEAD!

by Ri-kun

and the

Death Eaters

"For this week's DA meeting," Harry spoke, gathering everyone's attention. "I would like to focus on a new threat the Death Eaters have been employing recently. This is a serious matter, and I would like everyone's full cooperation."

"What's going on, Harry?" Hermione asked, raising her hand.

"Yeah," Ron added. "If there were some new threat, wouldn't we have heard about it before now."

"I don't think Dumbledore is taking it into account. For once," he added. "And none of us here need to be reminded of how the Ministry does things. That leaves it up to us."

"He's right," Neville readily agreed.

"I'm glad you feel that way, Neville," Harry said. "Because I was hoping you'd be willing to help me out in a demonstration of what we're up against."

Everyone looked Neville's way, but for once, the freckled boy just swallowed and stepped forward. "Show me what to do," he said bravely to Harry.

"Just stand right there for a second," Harry told him. "Just like that. Perfect!"

"Now," Harry turned, addressing the others. "The Death Eaters have begun dabbling into some more obscure branches of magic recently. I think they're doing this under Voldemort's instruction, of course, so that he can overcome the Order and the Ministry at the same time more effecently. If what I suspect is true, we need to arm ourselves with the same type of spells."

"Harry..." Hermione interrupted, not bothering to raise her hand this time. "Are you sure about this? We shouldn't be practicing Dark magic, even if the Death Eaters are using it. Using spells like that will just lower us to their level."

"Are you saying we should just let them come and kill us, then?" Cho Chang demanded, glaring her way. "Harry knows what he's doing."

"Right!" Ginny added, not about to be outdone.

"But..."

"None of this is Dark magic," he assured her. "Not in and of itself. It's how the magic is practiced that makes it Dark or not. I wouldn't have suggested Neville or anyone else for that matter if it were the least bit dangerous."

"Oh," Hermoine said, blushing. "Right."

"So, if there are no more questions..." he said, looking around. When no one moved, Harry nodded. "Good. Neville, this won't hurt a bit."

Neville straightened himself up. "No worries," he said, bravely. "I can take it."

"I'm sure you can," Harry replied, pulling out his wand. _**"Boot to the Head!"**_

_WHAM!_

"Ow!"

"Harry!" Hermione shouted.

Neville staggered slightly. "You booted me in the head!?"

_**"Boot to the Head!"**_

_WHAM!_

"Harry, stop it!"

"No, don't!" Ron wheezed, cluching his sides with laughter. "That was bloody brilliant!"

"I'm glad to hear you feel that way," Harry said, rounding on him. _**"Boot to the Head!"**_

_WHAM!_

"Ow! That's not fair, mate!" Ron whined.

"I should say it is," Hermione bit at him. "Harry, this is serious. We're supposed to be here to learn about how to fight against Dark magic and the wizards using it! This isn't the time for silly..."

_**"Boot to the Head!"**_

_WHAM!_

"Oooowwwwwww!" she screamed!

"Gee, thanks mate!" Ron said, rubbing his forehead. "But, to be fair, I've been wanting to see something like that for years now!"

"Oh, you did, did you?" Hermione snapped, drawing her wand.

"Wait, Hermione! I didn't mean..."  
_**  
"BOOT TO THE HEAD!"**_

"Umpht!"

Ron was thrown clear off his feet as an enormous steel-toed boot struck him across the face. Everyone stared at her in horror as Hermione turned back around with a satisfied expression on her face.

"Hermione..." Harry said softly.

"What?!" she demanded.

_**"Boot to the Head!"**_

_WHAM!_

"Hermione!" Neville cried out. "Harry, you... _**BOOT TO THE HEAD!**_"

Harry ducked. "You missed."

Neville gulped. "Oh, bugger."

_**"Boot to the Head!"**_

_WHAM!_

"So," Harry said, turning to the remaining conscious DA members. "What can everyone say they've learned from this experience?"

Ginny very meekly raised her hand.

"Yes, Ginny?" Harry called.

"First of all," she began. "I'd have to say that the first lesson is to always expect the unexpected, because that's how the Death Eaters think."

"Precisely!" Harry cheered. "You got it in one!"

"And secondly," Ginny added, raising her wand. "Make sure you fire off multiple shots! _**BOOT TO THE HEAD X 10!**_"

Harry calmly waved his wand in a circle, forming a shield around himself that sent each and every one of Ginny's boots right back at her. "Thirdly," Harry went on. "Always make sure you've mastered a very strong Shield Charm. Is there anyone else?"

"Just me," Seamus said. "None of us here can defeat you. Is that right?"

"That's right."

"So, we'll have to gang up on you!" he cheered. "Get 'em, guys!"

_**"Boot to the Head!" **_Harry cast. _** "Boot to the Head! Boot to the Head!"**_

"Ow!"

"Ow!"

"Ow!"


End file.
